BAN DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE!!!

Hello Humans! Today we will be getting into some Chemistry. And by Chemistry, I mean the most amazing properties of a molecule you would die without. I’ll give you a hint. It’s my favorite molecule on the planet. There is actually a petition going around to ban this substance. Your body actually gets addicted to this substance after the first time you use it, and then goes through crazy withdrawal symptoms, that usually result in death when trying to stop it. It is a colorless and odorless chemical compound. Prolonged exposure to it can cause tissue damage. But why ban this substance? Well, it is used as an additive to pretty much all food products, including organic foods, and in all liquid medicines. It is also used in growing plants, and when it comes to cleaning the plant, it doesn’t come out. Can you guess what substance I’m talking about?

If you guessed Dihydrogen monoxide, you win! That’s right, there are people who are stupid enough out in the world to sign a petition to ban Dihydrogen monoxide. Have some common sense people! Dihydrogen monoxide, or H2O, or water, is one of the simplest molecules on the planet, yet the properties that come from deep within its bonds make life possible. And yes, while water has some things that it does bad, like eroding the earth, it is necessary for life and it is amazing. The coolest thing that makes water pretty rad, is its inter-molecular bonds. As one of my Chemistry Professors said, “Scientists aren’t creative, so the names are pretty self-explanatory.” This is very true. An inter-molecular bond is just a bond between two molecules. Well, It’s more like an interaction than a bond, because things are never really bonded in the scientific world. A Hydrogen Bond is one of the strongest of these, and occurs between Hydrogen and either Oxygen, Nitrogen, or Fluorine. This hydrogen (H) has to be bonded to either Oxygen (O), Nitrogen (N), or Fluorine (F). The molecule is in a shape called “Bent” (See scientists aren’t creative at all). A Lone Pair of Electrons exist towards the bottom, and spend the most time while circling in its orbital, towards the bottom of the molecule. This makes the top, where the two H atoms are, slightly positive, and the bigger bottom slightly negative. You’ve probably heard of water being Polar, well, that’s what it means. It means it has a slightly negative bottom and a slightly positive top. When you put a bunch of these molecules together, opposites attract, and these hydrogen bonds are formed between the slightly positive H end of one molecule, and the slightly negative O, N, or F molecule of the other molecule. These bonds is what causes water to stick together, forming a dome on top of a penny, or forming the meniscus in a graduated cylinder. It is also what causes water to be able to “climb” up paper towels when partially soaked in water. This is also why waves are able to form in water, because the water molecules “hold hands” with each other, as my 7th grade science teacher put it.

These hydrogen bonds are also why ice floats and doesn’t sink. When Dihydrogen monoxide freezes, it forms ice crystals. These crystals aren’t like normal crystals found in Diamonds, where the carbon is packed closely together, but separates the molecules more, making ice less dense than water. This is a total miracle, because without this, life would cease. The lakes and oceans and rivers would freeze during the winter, and all fish and aquatic life would die, killing off many food chains. Many of these food chains, we eat and live from.

Another cool property of water is its ability to be both an acid and a base, at the same time. This is called Amphoterism. Side note, isn’t is sad that Google doesn’t recognize some of these Scientific Terms I’m using. Even ones that are used all the time in the Scientific world. Anyways, this means that water at any time, is made of Dihydrogen monoxide atoms, along with a mix of Hydronium and Hydroxide, or a mixture of H20, H^+ and OH^-. This is actually really awesome, because then water can help neutralize the acids and bases we put into our bodies every day. I mean, think about it. Our bodies are made mostly of water, whether it’s in our stomach acid, spinal fluid, or blood, it’s everywhere. It helps to neutralize what needs to be neutralized, and make other things acidic and basic when needed. This is also why water is such a good solvent, or substance that dissolves other molecules. When you put salt into water, all of you normal-minded people see the salt disappearing. Well, I see the salt breaking up into Na^+ and Cl^- and then combining with the H^+ and OH^-. This makes Hydrochloric acid and Sodium Hydroxide, or more commonly known as Salt Water. My mind immediately goes to equilibrium, but that’s a topic for another day.

Water also has this cool property that may seem stupid, but is essential for life. You probably know, or if you don’t, now you do, that Hydrogen and Oxygen are both gasses at room temperature. So why then, is Dihydrogen monoxide not a gas at room temperature? I mean, Oxygen and Carbon are both gasses at room temperatures, and so is Carbon dioxide. So why not Dihydrogen monoxide? It doesn’t obey the laws of Physics! Or does it? Guess what, it does, it’s based on two things, one we’ve already discussed, and the other is something to do more with Physics. Anyways, the Hydrogen Bonds we previously discussed, make the water molecules come closer together, which makes the pressure go up, making it a liquid. The other thing is energy. When the hydrogen bonds form amongst water molecules, the energy of the bonds is greater than the energy released from the bonds. When you heat water up, you are literally putting energy into the bonds. That’s all heat is, is a release of energy. It’s also a way to explain the energy of temperature change, but that’s for a different discussion. Anyways, when you put enough energy into the bonds of water, they will release from each other, making water vapor. By water being a liquid at room temperature, means that we don’t have to drink really cold water to survive, because most compounds made from two gasses are only liquid at really cold temperatures.

So, the next time you drink water, thank it for it’s amazing polarity, hydrogen bonds, and for being the liquid from where all life came from, even us. Stay wild, flower child.