I'm Bleeding Quadrophenic

Hello Humans! Wow, have I been awful at blogging this week! I have been very busy with my birthday, two exams, work, reading my scuba diving book, and working on my dread extensions. But I will get better at it, again. I've realized it's also been a very long while since I've listened to one of my all time favorite albums of all time: Quadrophenia. So I dusted off my old LP, and played it. And by dusting off my old LP, since I didn't have room to pack my record player, and records, I mean putting on my headphones and pulling it up on iTunes. But oh my goodness, the changes in my life that this album made. Most mornings, I would write the words from the last few pages of the story from inside the album on my wrist, to remind me of this album. To remind me I'm not the only one, and I'm not alone.

"Every year is the same, and I feel it again, I'm a loser, no chance to win. Leaves start a-falling, comedown is calling. Loneliness starts sinking in. But I'm one. I am one. And I can see that this is me, and I will be. You'll all see I'm the one. Where do you get those blue, blue jeans. Faded, patched secret, so tight? Where do you get, that walk oh-so-lean? Your shoes and your shirts all just right. I'm one. I am one. And I can see that this is me, and I will be. You'll all see I'm the one. I've got a Gibson. Ain't got a case. But I can't get that even-toned look on my face. Ill fitting clothes, and I'm laying in the crowd. Fingers too clumsy, voice too loud. But I am one. I am one. And I can see that this is me, and I will be. You'll all see I'm the one. I'm the one."

Now, what is Quadrophenia about? Besides being one of the albums that changed music's history forever and brought a Mod Revival back, Quadrophenia is an album, written by Pete Townshend, one of Rock and Rolls greatest, and most underrated musicians of all time. This album is about a young boy, named Jimmy. Jimmy Cooper. Jimmy is a Mod, or a member of one of the youth groups of the 1960s. He's a lonely Mod, high as anything on uppers, and just trying to fit in by wearing the latest fashion, trends, and Mod-lifestyle. I used to be a full-on Mod, wearing collars with everything, and only the best of tights with all my dresses, even in the summer. I would do my make-up like Twiggy, and put way too much product into it to get it to stay. It was what defined me my Senior Year in High School, and what ultimately got me through my tough year. I developed an attitude, and a hatred for certain things. A lot of these things are still resonating within me, and I don't think I'll ever get rid of them. For instance, I still like shirts that are high-necked and collared, even if I no longer button them up all the way. I still love my eyelashes to be as long and full of volume. I still want a scooter as my choice of vehicle, and I still want to live in England. I still hate Rockers and Elvis, and am not the biggest fan of America. And, like Jimmy, I still feel lonely at times, although I use my own personal uppers to help me get through those lonely times. I also am still drawn to the beach, and love to wear my parka, Jimmy, even though he is not here on the Island with me today, I miss him dearly and miss his loving arms and warmth (wow, I'm talking about a Fishtail Parka. How weird am I?) I still find myself talking to myself, like Jimmy does in Quadrophenia, and I still find myself having almost 4 personalities also like Jimmy. One of the biggest things I've noticed, is how I still like the peace and loneliness of just being alone with my music. I actually find that I thrive in it. I love the time I get to just think and listen to my music. I connect so many dots during those times and learn so much about myself.

While turning on the first song, "I Am the Sea," today, I found feelings of happiness resonating within my soul. All of the good memories of me laying on my bedroom's floor, crying to "Love Reign O're Me," while curling up in my parka came rushing back. Except, they weren't sad, they were happy. Because now I realize that those moments defined my character, and made me me. But seriously, listening to Pete's guitar soaring in the background, Roger's putting all of his emotion and energy and soul into the roaring vocals, Keith going insane and literally everywhere and anywhere all at once on his drum kit, with John bringing the whole thing together with his steady bass, is just mind blowing. I almost forgot what a fantastic band they are, because I've avoided listening to this album for a while, because I was afraid it would sink me back down, when in fact, it just lifts me back up. Because I know that I conquered my teenage years. And I'm still alive, and better than ever.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from my experiences during my Senior Year of high school comes from a line in "Cut My Hair." "Why do I have to be different than them, just to earn the respect of some dancehall friend? We have the same old row again and again. Why do I have to move with a crowd of kids that hardly notice I'm around? I work myself to death just to fit in." This lesson was that I was done trying. I gave up trying to fit in, and realized that I shouldn't divert all of that energy trying to fit in, but to divert all of that energy to finding my true self, and trying to be the best me and I can be, while also staying true to myself.

And even though I don't find myself listening to Quadrophenia, running around like an angsty teen from the 1960s, posting endless photos about my messed up life and parka and scooter, I still find that Quadrophenia will resonate inside of me forever. And I think I'm okay with that. I will gladly accept this album as a part of my own self. Thank you Pete Townshend for writing this masterpeice. It fulfilled one of your hopes for it: making kids not feel alone.

So, yes, I'm bleeding Quadrophenic, but I'm proud of it. Stay wild, flower child.