I'm Alive

Hello Humans! "So you were six feet underneath me. I felt a pulse, I swear you moved. Digging deep, deep down I recognized how much you had to lose. And if you want to get out of here, want to get out of here, save yourself. But you'll never get anywhere, never get anywhere, not without my help. Say it with me: I'm alive, I'm alive. Are you dead inside? I'm the slap in the face to your lullaby. Got you all tongue-tied, cuz you're living a lie, my friend. Say it with me: I'm alive, I'm alive. Are you dead inside? I"m you're wake up call when you know I'm right. Make a move, let it bleed, tear your heart off your sleeve cuz I'm the only one who's going to save you're life. I'm the one that's going to save you life. I'm the one who's going to. So how far did you go for shelter? How long did it take you to find a place to sell your providence and pawn a peace of mind. And if you want to get out of here, want to get out of here, save yourself. But you'll never get anywhere, never get anywhere, not without my help. Say it with me: I'm alive, I'm alive. Are you dead inside? I'm the slap in the face to your lullaby. Got you all tongue-tied, cuz you're living a lie, my friend. Say it with me: I'm alive, I'm alive. Are you dead inside? I"m you're wake up call when you know I'm right. Make a move, let it bleed, tear your heart off your sleeve cuz I'm the only one who's going to save you're life. I'm the one that's going to save you life. I'm the one who's going to."

Wow. I say this every month, but October seriously feels like it just started. Not a ton has changed since September, except the fact that I'm now 20 years old. That just seems insane to me. It feels like yesterday I was sitting in my cousin's house, opening my birthday presents from my Grandparents, and hearing my Grandpa tell me that "A Decade old is a big milestone in your life." If 10 years old was a big milestone, does that make 20 an enormous milestone? I feel like I just have so much to do with the remaining years of my life. I want to change the world. It seems like I'm so close, but yet so far away.

This month has been a combination of many ups and downs. I was on a high at the beginning, just getting my first test scores back, them all being B's and higher, starting my new fitness and meditation goals, and eating right. Then back down to a low when I stopped doing that. I got into a little bit of a slump, as I started to find my classes boring and had a hard time attending. I still am having a hard time attending, but am doing better than the middle of the month. My eating and fitness still isn't to where I want it to be, but hopefully it will get there soon. I can feel and see the difference my daily morning meditation makes. If I don't do it, I'm a lot more sad and grumpy and moody that if I don't do it. I don't give myself the time I need to clear my brain of all the negative and bad thoughts in order to make room for the good thoughts and feelings that life brings. I've been eating better, but thanks to my mom, I still have 2 bags of candy to go through. I have been surprised at my ability to portion control my candy lately. If it had been me from last year, it all would have already been gone.

My twentieth birthed brought along some things to my mind. For instance, the reminder of the goals that I set when I was young that I have now failed. One was to get married, well that definitely didn't work as I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. And while I don't have eight dogs and my own apartment, I am living on my own, and have my doggie back at home, so I'll consider that one checked off the list. There are still many things that I want to do. One includes going to Europe. I hope to accomplish that before I graduate with my PhD, if not then by the time I'm thirty. I still want to get married and start a family with eight dogs, I just am not going to set a time limit, because then I'll get even more down on my nonexistent dating and romance life. And most importantly, I want to change the world. Whether that's becoming a professor and making students want to study Chemistry and Physics, or by changing the way we look at the Universe, raising children in the gospel, or discovering the cure to some illness. For November, I want to continue my eating healthy, yoga, and meditation challenge, especially improving in the eating healthy and yoga departments. I want to write something that I'm grateful for everyday leading up to Thanksgiving. I love that we celebrate Thanksgiving right before Christmas. This way we have a chance to express our gratefulness before the hustle and the bustle, the crazy shopping, the commercialization, and the worldliness of Christmas kicks in. I like to think of Thanksgiving as a great way to usher in the Sprit of Christmas. It's a great chance to look at our lives and see how fortunate we each are.

Hopefully each of us will take the next 24 days as a way to celebrate how fortunate we are and all of the blessings that our Heavenly Father has given us. Hopefully we will take some time to give service to those less fortunate than us. And I also hope that we all ban the Christmas music, no matter how amazing it is, until after our Thanksgiving feasts. Stay wild, flower child.