How Can I Write Love Into Reality?

Hello Humans! So, yes. I've been absolutely AWFUL at blogging the past few weeks. It's gotten really crazy due to finals coming up this week, and getting ready to go home for the holidays. But this week was insane for the gaming community. First of all, Doki Doki Literature Club picked up lots of speed among the top gamers on YouTube. Then Five Nights At Freddy's 6 came out, which ended up being the final chapter to the FNAF franchise. And yesterday, a game that I have been waiting for over a year finally came out. I'll talk about the latter two at a later time, but will focus on DDLC today.

"Everyday I imagine a future where I can be with you. In my hand is a pen that will write a poem of me and you. The ink flows down into a dark puddle. Just move your hand, write the way into his heart. But in this world of infinite choices, what will it take just to find that special day? What will it take to find that special day? Have I found everyone a fun assignment to do today? When you're here, everything that we do is fun for them anyway. When I can't even read my own feelings, what good are words when a smile says it all? And if this world won't write me an ending, what will it take just for me to have it all? Does my pen only write better words for those who are dear to me? Is it love if I take you, or is it love if I set you free? The ink flows down into a dark puddle. How can I write love into reality? If I can't hear the sound of your heartbeat, what do you call love in your reality? And in your reality, if I don't know how to love you, I'll leave you be." -Just Monika-Your Reality-Doki Doki Literature Club

For those of you who don't know, Doki Doki Literature Club (DDLC) is an amazing game full of so much feeling and depth. It covers some really heavy topics, such as depression and suicide, self-harm, abuse, and loneliness in the most amazing way. It starts off as a seemingly harmless dating simulator. At the end of the first week, stuff starts getting weird. You're best friend from your childhood commits suicide, you get hints that one of the girls has either conducted self-harm or been abused by her father, and the President of the Literature Club has broken the fourth wall a couple of times. Once the first week is over, the girl who committed suicide is deleted, and the game starts over. It glitches out after a minute, and corrects itself based on the absence of the missing character. Through the second play though, the game is already very glitchy and breaks the fourth wall very often. You learn that Yuri's obsessive nature gets amplified, and she ends up stabbing herself in front of her, while the other girl, Natsuki ends up feeling lonely, and her aggressive nature is also amplified. The Club President, Monika, ends up deleting both of those characters, and then you get Just Monika. After you talk to her for as long as you want in a crumbling world, you deleter her game file, and she realizes her mistakes. Monika restores the other three girls, Sayori, Yuri, and Natuski. She keeps herself out of it because she doesn't want to harm the others again. The game seems to be running smoothly, when at the end of the first day, Sayori, the new Club President, pulls you aside, and tells you that she's realized that it's all just a game. She glitches the world until you're in the crumbling world again, with just Sayori, and then something weird happens. Text boxes pop up, saying things like, "I'm sorry," and "I won't let her harm them." This ends up being Monika. And then the song, "Your Reality," starts playing and the credits roll as the game literally deletes itself from your computer. The first time I heard the song, "Your Reality," I almost cried. This is because it starts out as a piano song, which you hear from Monika during the game that she's been working on a piano song, and that she wants to play it for you sometime. And she finally does, as she's deleting the game. The words hit me hard. If you haven't seen a play through, I would encourage watching PewDiePie's play through of it. The voices for each of the girls are AMAZING, and I've never seen him react that way to a game. It changed my outlook on some of these topics.

As I've gone throughout life, I've realized my role in most people's lives. It's a role that I would rather not be, but it is who I am. I am always the leader who has friends, but no one ever wants to be more than that. Which is totally fine, because that's their choice. But the point is, I relate to Monika. I wish I could change people's natures so that they can all show their worst side, while I still shine through at my best. But as I learned in High School, it's not possible. Even when people are at their worst, and you're just acting like you're at your best when really you would rather die, they still get all the attention, because people want to help them. Monika actually says this in a poem you unlock. She says she could easily delete herself, but then she wouldn't get to talk to you as the player anymore. This "talking" to her is very limited, as the game is designed the way. It feels like life is designed that way as well. To make everyone else have more love and attention, while I'm hiding my pain from everyone, trying to keep the balance in life and to keep on going on. I would also write. I would write and imagine better worlds where people in my school did pay attention to me and love me, just as I had always wanted. But just as Monika's poems and ideas, it was a reality that never came true.

So, this begs the question, how do we write love into Reality? If being our normal selves isn't good enough, then acting out and showing horrible feelings is? To me, this makes no sense. It's why somethings like the Me Too have become so big. I get that some people really do get sexually abused, but not the entirety of mankind does. A lot of people jump on this "bandwagon" to get attention and love from others. I could never do this. It ruins the meaning of it for those that really did get hurt.

So I guess for now, until the world changes, I will continue to write the world in the background. Leading small groups of friends who don't think of me as anything else than a friend. And I'm perfectly fine with that for now. Because at least I'm being myself. I'm being Just Monika. Just Monika. Just Monika.

Stay wild, flower child.

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